Searching For My Solace
by midnightoceanfairy
Summary: I can't get him out of my head.........I have to stop this, Harry and Ron will kill me if they find out......I can't follow him anymore......................................................But I have to.


Searching For My Solace  
  
Hey guys! I'm going to try my luck at this songfic! It's a one-shot. I'm trying to update QW whenever I can, but my brain seems to have cramped up on that story. But no worries, I'll get it out!  
  
DISCALMER: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or places. Neither do I own Solace which was written by Plumb.  
  
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"Hermione?" Hermione!" "HERMIONE!"  
  
Hermione's head snapped up. She took in her surroundings. Breakfast. Saturday morning. "Huh? What?" She looked at her emerald-eyed friend. "Sorry, I guess I dozed off, Harry. Late night studying, you know." Lie. She had been thinking about Him again.  
  
"For what?" Rom said between mouthfuls of food. Harry nodded his head. "Yeah Hermione, there aren't any tests scheduled yet. We've only just got here a week ago." Excuses raced through Hermione brain. "NEWTS. I was studying for NEWTS." Ron shook his head in disbelief and swallowed. "Hermione, we've been here a WEEK. You know what that means? We still have like, nine months to study for NEWTS. Why would you actually stay up late to study for them this early? And on a Friday night!"  
  
Hermione gave Ron a scowl. "For your information, Ronald, I like to get the information SOLID in my brain before a test. Unlike some people who can't even get it IN their brain." "Hermione!" Harry said, admonished at her cruel comment. Hermione rubbed her forehead. "I'm sorry, Ron. I'm just..just tired is all. I think I'll head up to my Dorm and try to get some sleep." If I can, she added in her mind.  
  
(((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))  
  
)(I'm sick)(  
  
)(I'm tired)(  
  
)(I can't sleep 'cause I'm so wired)(  
  
(((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))  
  
Except for the lights on the Quidditch field, everything was dark. That was good; she wouldn't be seen unless she walked onto the field. Which she definitely *wasn't* going to do. She had fought with herself for half and hour whether or not to come and secretly watch the practice. What if she was spotted? Or caught being out past curfew without a note? In her subconscious she knew any teacher would let her go without detention, but she needed a reason not to come tonight.  
  
In the end, the brave part of her had won out, and before she knew what she was doing, she had borrowed Harry's invisibility cloak and was outside on the Hogwarts grounds, slowly sneaking towards the Quidditch pitch. That where she was now, watching ihim./i She couldn't believe herself. She was practically stalking him. Her! Hermione Granger! She shook her head in disbelief. She was just like every other Hogwarts bimbo. Suddenly the field's lights went out. Hermione was enveloped in endless darkness. She took out her wand and almost muttered 'Lumos', but stopped just in time.  
  
There he was, walking out of the Quidditch pitch, moonlight bouncing off of his platinum hair. That was one of the major reasons she was so attracted to him. She started to make her way back to the castle, only a few feet behind him. I have to follow him, she told herself. He's the only one with light.  
  
She continued following him across the grounds. Suddenly he stopped to pick up something he had dropped in the grass. Hermione had been looking out at the lake and did not notice this. When she finally looked back at him, she was less than three inches away from him. She gasped and stood stock still. The blonde's head snapped to the left, then to the right. Hermione's invisibility cloak prevented him from seeing her, but he could still hear her. After a few tense minutes, he continued to walk towards the castle. She waited until he was quite a distance away before she continued after him.  
  
Once she had made it inside, she quietly returned Harry's cloak to his dorm, making sure she wouldn't wake him up. She didn't need to have him asking questions about her late night boy-watching.  
  
Once she made it to her dorm, she put on an oversized nightshirt and crawled into bed, letting out a big sigh. This had to stop. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't *right*. Harry and Ron would kill her if they found out she was betraying them. She had to stop thinking about him and sneaking out to secretly watch him.  
  
But she just couldn't.  
  
(((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))  
  
)(I don't know if I can take this)(  
  
)(I don't know how to love you)(  
  
(((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))  
  
Hermione was in potions on Monday morning, trying to listen to Snape and take notes without falling asleep. Suddenly Snape pulled out a piece of parchment and started calling out two names at a time. Hermione looked around confused. "What's happening?" she asked Harry. "He's pick partners for the making of and invisibility potion!"  
  
Snape cleared his throat and frowned. "Potter and Weasley." Harry and Ron gave each other high fives and grinned. Hermione rolled her eyes. Oh well, the worst thing that could happen was that she'd get paired with Neville and have to do all of the work..  
  
"Malfoy and Granger."  
  
Oh no. No. She couldn't work with him. No. Not today. But he was already walking to her table with a cold sneer on his face. Hermione stuck a scowl on her face and began to gather up the ingredients. Act normal, she told herself. She took the ingredients back to their table and started to brew the potion.  
  
"What are you doing, mudblood?" Hermione took a deep breath. "Making our potion, Malfoy." She said icily. Malfoy snickered. "Know-it-all Granger, thinks she can do everything. Give me that!" He grabbed the wormwood out of Hermione hands and sprinkled the amount needed into the potion. Hermione counted to ten in her head and tried to pretend that didn't happen. She continued to add ingredients while Malfoy did the same. As soon the potion had turned the correct color and density, Hermione bottled some and labeled it, about to take it to Snape.  
  
Malfoy grabbed the bottle from her hand and took it up to Snape himself. Snape looked at it and raised it into the air for the class to see. "Look, students. Mr. Malfoy has successfully concocted the potion perfectly." Hermione seethed with anger. She had done the potion with him! They had both done it together! "Would anyone like to try the correct potion to see how it affects the drinker?" Malfoy smirked. "I will, professor. Since it IS my potion." Snape smiled. "Of course, Draco." And with that he handed the bottle to Draco, who took it and drained its contents. After about a minute, Draco began to fade, until he disappeared completely. The Slytherins smiled triumphantly, while the Gryffindors sulked unhappily. Snape began to talk about the certain invisibility potion's history, oblivious to Draco's invisibility. Hermione took out a quill and parchment to take notes with. Suddenly she felt something hot on the back of her neck. She whipped her head around, only to find nothing there. She shook her head and started back on her notes.  
  
"Hermione," a husky voice whispered. The voice laughed, and Hermione shivered. She knew not to look back anymore, she wouldn't see anyone. But she knew who was there. Suddenly his warmth was gone. Not thirty seconds later, a voice at the front of the classroom cleared its throat. Snape stopped talking and looked around, confused and annoyed. "Yes?" He said, impatient. "I'm sorry, professor, I seem to still be invisible." A voice from nowhere said. Snape looked flustered. "Yes, let me get the reversal potion." Snape went to a cabinet and took out a bottle that looked exactly the same as the potion they had just brewed. He held it out into the air, and an invisible hand took it. The invisible Malfoy uncorked it and lifted it to his mouth, draining it as he had done before. He slowly came back into view and smirked at the class before returning to his seat next to Hermione, acting as if nothing had happened.  
  
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)(Tick)(Tock)(Inside)(  
  
)(Tossing, turning, I feel blind.)(  
  
)(Sun is up)(Rain pours in)(  
  
)(Another day of no end)(  
  
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About a month later, Hermione sat at the first Quidditch game of the year. It was, of course, Slytherin against Gryffindor. Hermione sat in the Gryffindor box waiting for the game to start.  
  
Soon enough, Lee Jordon's loud voice game over the crowd, welcoming them to the game. Hermione watched as the two teams were called out onto the field. She smiled when Harry and Ron's names were called, and booing accordingly when the Slytherin team was called. Inside, she wanted to clap for him, wanted to shout his name along with the other heartsick girls. But she resisted the urge and acted the part of a loyal Gryffindor.  
  
Soon the game was under way. Lee Jordan's voice yelled out the moves and scores of each team, adding more enthusiasm when it was Gryffindor that scored or faked out the Slytherins. After about an hour, the Slytherins were in the lead, 300 to 150. They had been particularly violent this game. Ron already had a bloody nose, and Harry was sporting a bruise on his forehead. Despite their injuries, the Gryffindor were still giving it all they had. They were all counting on Harry to catch the snitch before the Slytherins scored again.  
  
After about five minutes, it looked as if Harry had seen the snitch. He was following it down the left side of the field, towards the Slytherins goal. Draco was quick on his tail. Harry went into a nose dive. Draco followed him; the two were soon neck and neck.  
  
Suddenly, Harry veered to the right. Draco, caught off-guard, continued into the ground, landing there with a sickening thump.Every Slytherin and girl gasped, including Hermione. Harry, apparently not noticing Draco's crash, caught the snitch and held it up high in the air. The Gryffindors began to clap and cheer wildly, but it soon died down when they realized they had only tied with Slytherin. Madame Pomfrey was already out on the field, levitating Draco towards the hospital wing. Hermione watched worriedly for a few moments, before rushing down from the box to congratulate Harry.  
  
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The next day at lunch Dumbledore stood up to make an announcement.  
  
"Quiet down, quiet down everyone, I have some news for you." The great hall soon grew silent, all eyes on Dumbledore, waiting for the news that he was about to tell.  
  
"Hogwarts will be holding a masquerade ball for students of all years. This ball will be held on Halloween night, in place of the feast. The ball will start at exactly seven o'clock, and food will be served. I hope to see you all there. That is all." Dumbledore smiled and sat back down. The great hall erupted in talk of who would go with whom, and what they would go as. Hermione glanced at Draco, a look of unintentional longing on her face. She soon felt eyes on her, and looked around. It was Ron. When she caught his stare, he looked down at his plate and blushed. Hermione looked at the top of his head, confused.  
  
Later that night, in the common room, Hermione was reading. The boy's dormitories door opened, and Hermione looked to see who had exited. She smiled when Harry and Ron descended the stairs. "Hello Harry, hello Ron." Harry smiled at her, but Ron kept his eyes trained on the floor. Harry nudged him, and Ron took a step forward. Harry nudged him again, and Ron came over and sat down next to Hermione on the couch. He cleared his throat, and looked up at her. "Yes, Ron?" She said, a confused smile on her face.  
  
"Um.Hermione..I um..wanted to know if.." He cleared his throat again. "Iwantedtoknowifyouwouldgototheballwithme." He said in one breath. "Uh, Ron, I didn't quite catch that." Hermione said. Ron took a deep breath. "I wanted to know if you would go to the ball with me." He said clearly. Hermione looked startled.  
  
"Well, I .." Hermione mind flashed to the blonde Slytherin that was so often the center of her thoughts. She shook the image out of her head and smiled at Ron.  
  
"Of course I'll go to the ball with you, Ron."  
  
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Later that night, as Hermione was crying softly to herself, she realized she could never have Him.  
  
(((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))  
  
)(Grab it)(Kick it)(Smash it)(  
  
)(Love it)(Loathe it)(  
  
)(Hold it)(Throw it)(Crave it)(  
  
)(Searching for my solace.)(  
  
((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))  
  
Hermione and Ron were soon the new It couple. Everyone wanted to know about them. Why did it take them until 6th year to go out? When are they getting married? What are they going to name there children? Hermione found it very annoying and just ignored the idiotic questions she was asked everyday. Ron basked in the attention. He answered every question in depth, and had a story for each one, even if it wasn't true.  
  
When Hermione had agreed to be Ron's date for the ball, she had no idea that Lavender and Parvati, the two biggest gossipers in school, had overheard her. They soon told anyone and everyone they could lay their hands on that Hermione and Ron were a couple. Hermione didn't want to hurt Ron's feelings, so she unwillingly went along with it, hoping no public displays of affection were necessary to confirm the two's couple status.  
  
Hermione was forced to sit next to Ron at lunch, walk with him to classes, and let him hold her hand in the common room. Their every move was documented by curious gossipmongers. Had they done IT yet? Was Hermione pregnant? Every night she was bombarded with questions from her roommates, Lavender and Parvati. She would answer a simple 'No' every time they asked her. This never seemed to satisfy them, but Hermione would always close her curtains and put a silencing charm on her bed.  
  
Before Hermione knew it, it was the middle of September and she and Ron had still not decided what they were going to go to the ball as. Ron told her to choose whatever she wanted. Hermione decided they would go as Anne Boleyn and Henry Tudor VIII, since Anne Boleyn was a famous medieval witch. Ron already had red hair, so all he would have to do was find a costume suitable for the time period. Hermione would go all-out, magically changing her hair to a sleek black mane and putting a fake beauty mark above her lip. If she couldn't have the partner she wanted, she was going to at least have a costume she enjoyed.  
  
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Hermione couldn't believe herself. Here she was again, watching him like some kind of stalker. She had a boyfriend for Merlin's sake! It was practically cheating to do this. She had brewed an invisibility potion and drunk it, but just in case she had worn a long black cloak with a hood that hid her face. She wasn't able to steal Harry's cloak anymore, it was too risky.  
  
She watched him until the practice was over, and she had waited until he came out of the locker room, later than the others. Just like last time, she began to follow him quietly.  
  
Suddenly, she realized something. She could see her hand. Just barely, but in a few minutes she would be completely visible to anyone with a light. The potion she brewed must have been wearing off. She thanked her lucky stars that she had thought to wear a cloak. Now as long as she stayed quiet and didn't-  
  
CRACK  
  
Oh no. She looked down. She had stepped on a stray twig. And she was completely visible to Draco, who held a lantern. He had turned completely around, and, since he hadn't needed his wand for Quidditch, was unarmed. All he could see of Hermione was her breath in the cold night air.  
  
"Who are you, and why are you following me?' He questioned angrily. Hermione remained silent, as to conceal her identity. "Who are you?" he asked again. Hermione breath quickened. He was walking towards her now, holding the lantern out to get a good look at her. In a couple of seconds he would be right in front of her, he would be able to see who she was. She couldn't let that happen.  
  
"I'm sorry," She whispered sadly. Draco stopped, confused. "Wha-?"  
  
"STUPEFY!"  
  
((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))  
  
)(Tiptoe)(Bend)(Break)(  
  
)(Cold night air)(I start to shake)(  
  
)(My eye's red, my tongue is dry)(  
  
)(These long nights are never kind)(  
  
((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))  
  
The next few days had gone in a blur for Hermione. Apparently Draco hadn't told anyone of his stupefition the night after Quidditch practice. Hermione was eternally grateful for this. If anyone had found out what she did, she could be expelled.  
  
Hermione was forced to avoid him at all costs. She couldn't speak near him, lest he recognize her voice. She had stuck to Ron and Harry closely all week. Ron hadn't seemed to mind at all. Hermione found it very annoying that whenever she was close enough, Ron would put his arm around her. She would make and excuse and run off to the library any chance she got. She threw herself more into her schoolwork, if that was even possible.  
  
Ron started to ask her to Hogsmeade every Saturday, and since she couldn't turn him down every time he asked, she was forced to go with him at least once every two weeks. He hadn't tried to pressure her into anything, and was usually satisfied with one or two makeout sessions a week in the common room. He never got too cocky with her, and sometimes it was if they were still friends, instead of the most talked-about couple in Hogwarts.  
  
The next Saturday, Hermione decided her and Ron needed to find their costumes for the ball. After breakfast, Ron and Hermione set out for Madame Malkins in Hogsmeade. They began to look for Ron's first, in the medieval section of the Halloween costumes. They hadn't been looking for 30 minutes before Hermione found the perfect costume for him. It was green, which would certainly compliment his hair wondrously. She showed it to Ron, who grimaced.  
  
"It's quite...green, isn't it?" He said.  
  
"What, do you have a problem with green?" Hermione asked.  
  
"No..it's just Slytherin colors, that's all."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and huffed. Ron, can't you just get over the house rivalry for just one night? For me?" Ron sighed. "I guess..." He said, but began to grin. He leaned into kiss her lips, but she turned her head so his lips met her cheek.  
  
Ron didn't have time to question her coldness, though, because Harry rushed into the store, face red, chest heaving. "What? What is it Harry?" Hermione asked, worry creeping into her voice.  
  
"Ron! There's (big breath) a sale at the (big breath) Quidditch shop!"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and turned back to the costumes. But Ron was out of the store in a flash. "See ya, Hermione!" He called out before the door closed.  
  
Oh well, more time to pick out her costume.  
  
(((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))  
  
Before Hermione knew it, the day of Halloween was upon her. Everyone was rushing around, checking their costumes for last minute improvements. The girls in Hermione's dorm were all doing each other's makeup. More than once they had tried to get her to join them, but Hermione had refused. She had wanted to do her costume the way SHE wanted it.  
  
Now the ball was only three hours away. The girls were looking at her incredulously; they obviously thought she was crazy for not starting until this late. Hermione smiled and began to walk towards the bathroom. She had it all to herself.  
  
(((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))  
  
Ron looked at the clock in the common room. Hermione had five minutes to get down there before the ball started. All the other couples had gone already, including Harry and Cho. He looked at the clock again, but his gaze was torn to the girl's dormitories' door.  
  
Hermione stepped out, and Ron involuntarily gasped.  
  
Hermione had magically made her skin pale as snow. Her dress was a beautiful medieval style black dress, with the bodice tight to show off curves, and the skirt full. The front was cut lower than Hermione had liked, but she got over it soon enough when she had seen how good she had looked in the dress. She had a black velvet choker on her long, slender neck that the real Anne Boleyn had worn to conceal a mole. She had a beauty mark above the right side of her lip, which seemed to make her even more stunning.  
  
But those things were nothing compared to her hair. Her curls had been straightened into a long, sleek mane that went down the lower part of her back. Her hair was raven black that was only set off more by her ivory skin.  
  
She continued down the steps, and smiled when she saw Ron's mouth hanging open. "Now, now Ron! Kings didn't loll their tongues out of their mouths!" Ron smiled sheepishly and held out his arm to her. Hermione took it and they continued towards the Great Hall.  
  
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It took the people of the Great Hall a minute or two to recognized Hermione. When they saw Ron with her, they just had to assume it was her until they could ask her too her face if she really was Hermione.  
  
Ron led her to a table where Harry and Cho were sitting. Harry, too absorbed with Cho had obviously missed her grand entrance.  
  
"Hello, Harry. Hello, Cho." Harry turned around to looked at her, and when he did he choked on his pumpkin juice. "H....Hermione? Hermione smiled at Harry, and the latter recovered when he saw it really was his friend of six years. "You really look..stunning, Hermione." Hermione blushed and thanked him. Ron soon joined them and they began to eat. Harry and Ron immediately began to talk about Quidditch, and Hermione rolled her eyes jokingly at Cho.  
  
When the rest of the Great Hall had finished eating, the tables disappeared and a stage appeared at the front of the room, and a band walked onto it. The Great Hall seemed twice its normal size. Dumbledore had probably charmed it so the whole school could fit inside.  
  
A song soon began to play and Ron asked Hermione to dance. Hermione agreed, and Ron led her to the dance floor.  
  
After about 5 fast and upbeat songs, a slow song began to play. Ron drew Hermione close, and since he was about a head taller than her, Hermione was forced to rest her head on is strong chest. Ron seemed to draw her closer, so that their bodies were pressed against each other. Hermione felt a little awkward, but said nothing. They had been dancing like this for a little while when Ron drew a deep breath.  
  
"I love you," He whispered softly into her ear. She pulled back and looked up at him. "What?" She said, louder than she'd intended. Ron smiled. "I said, I love you." Hermione looked at him as her eyes started well up with tears. "Hey Hermione, what's wrong baby?" Hermione swallowed hard. "I-I can't say it back to you, Ron." Rom smiled again. "Its okay, Hermione. I can wait until we're somewhere more private, if that's-  
  
"No, Ron. You don't understand. I...I don't love you. I can't say it back."  
  
Ron's eyes filled with hurt. "You can't?" He whispered. Hermione shook her head as a tear made its way down her pale cheek. Ron's face turned to stone and he stepped out of their embrace. "So this whole relationship has been a lie? You never liked me in the first place?" "No, Ron, you don't understand, I did-" Ron cut her off. "Tell me the truth, Hermione. Did you like me when I asked you to the Ball?" She looked down to the floor. "I'm sorry." She whispered. When she looked up, all she could see was his retreating back. More tears were starting to streak down her face, and people had stopped dance to watch Hermione cry. She fled to the balcony, where she could cry in peace.  
  
(((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))  
  
)(I tried to find it in myself)(  
  
)(A lonely cross to bear)(  
  
)(And then tried looking somewhere else)(  
  
)(And I failed)(  
  
(((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))  
  
Hermione leaned against the balcony rail, sobbing as quietly as she could, as not to attract attention to herself. She thought about Ron, and how much she had hurt him. He would probably tell Harry. Would she even have friends after tonight? This caused her to sob even more, knowing she might be a loner for the rest of her life.  
  
Her thoughts finally drifted to Him. She and a hundred more girls wanted exactly the same thing, but could never have it. He would always be unreachable, especially to her. Her, a know-it-all muggleborn, friends with the Boy-Who-Lived, (Well, maybe not after tonight.), and a Gryffindor. These three things would always prevent her from getting the man she longed for. Hermione let her thoughts drift to nowhere as she looked out on the beautiful lake. Hermione felt a drop of water on the tip of her nose. Then another one on her bare arm. Great, it had started to rain. But Hermione stayed where she was, her fresh tears mixing with the rainwater.  
  
Finally Hermione decided she should go in before she got hypothermia. She turned around, and there He was. Standing there like some kind of knight to save her from her sadness. He slowly began to walk towards her. Hermione's once-straight hair had now turned curly again from the rain, and her mascara was streaking down her face in black lines against her marble-white skin.  
  
He continued towards her, until he was no more than a foot away. His face had a look of soft concern on it, and his hair was hanging into his stormy grey eyes. She could see his breath in the cold air. They didn't speak for a long time; just looked into each other's eyes. Soon he lifted his hand up and touched it to her cheek softly and smiled. He opened his mouth to speak.  
  
"Hey."  
  
It was the first word spoken that hadn't been mean or condescending. It was a word that opened up new possibilities for the two of them.  
  
It was a word that changed both of their lives.  
  
(((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))  
  
)(I looked until my luck ran out)(  
  
)(And then I saw your face)(  
  
)(You picked me up and brushed me off)(  
  
)(And said.....hey)(  
  
(((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))  
  
A/N: I quite enjoyed doing this songfic! I'm quite sad it's over. Tell me what you think! Too cheesy of an ending? Too long? You tell me in your reviews!  
  
midnightoceanfairy  
  
((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))) 


End file.
